He who marvels at the beauty of the world in summer
will find equal cause for wonder and admiration in the winter
- John Burroughs
There is a complete truth found in ‘seasonal depression’, even if not in a clinical sense. As soon as the air becomes colder, I feel myself subconsciously slipping into a rut. My bed becomes my safe haven and I begin to contradict myself and complain that I don’t do enough “fun things”.
Thankfully, I have a somewhat busy schedule for the first month of winter. Otherwise, I would be in a much worse state. I would become the literal version of the term ‘bed-rotting’.
Two weeks of ‘holiday’ and I am back at school. I get to dress up at the end of this week. It’s certainly rare that I feel good about how I look, but formal is going to be different. Everybody all together to just be dressed in neat suits, elegant dresses, eat small portions of food and dance to a cheap dj set. Spending a little too much money on superficial things, all to have one good night with people you only know at a surface level. But that’s all fine, I promise. It will be fun.
So far, I have kept to my pledge to keep consuming media in all forms. Particularly anything insightful that makes me think. This week I have watched:
Waves (2019)
Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind (2004)
Lady Bird (2017)
I try to keep my letterboxd updated regularly, go give it a follow :)
Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind is one of those films I will never forget.
CLEMENTINE: I’m not a concept Joel. I’m just a fucked-up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. I’m not perfect.
JOEL: I can’t think of anything I don’t like about you right now.
CLEMENTINE: But you will. You will think of things. And I’ll get bored with you and feel trapped because that is what happens with me.
JOEL: Ok.
CLEMENTINE: Ok.
UGHHH It’s so heart-wrenchingly beautiful. The message to cherish the entire journey with a person, even the bad memories is portrayed in the best way possible.
Even though the memory of something fucking hurts, it’s only hard to move on because that pain reminds you the joy you felt was real.
I am grateful I didn’t watch this film heartbroken.
So I left this draft for a while, two weeks almost. We are now halfway through the school holidays and there is already so much happening.
Here are some notes from june:
I am counting the days until I no longer work in retail and have a real big girl job. I am still currently at my first job, not complaining about that - it’s stable. I work at Coles in the Click and Collect section (used to work in service - not anymore thank golly gosh.) Anyway, I wear a headset and I hear from the people up at the self-checkouts saying that they need one of the cleaners urgently - the only one that was on shift happened to have just gone on break! :))) Basically, a lady had walked through, decided to defecate in the middle of the floor and walk out. (Defecate sounds more disgusting than shit for some reason)
my body is so sore I feel like I have the joints of a 60 year old woman already.
I got my hair colored professionally for the first time literally ever. No more fake wranga from a bleach disaster. I never thought I’d suit blonde but I am so in love with it. And I got it done in the comfort of my own home - scoreeee
was almost an hour late to school due to an interaction with a dog across the street. If I see a dog running around by itself with a collar and name tag on, surely, it’s just escaped the backyard and I should at least attempt to get it back home. It proved to be much harder than I expected and I had already called the owners (who were an hour away from their home). At least Rubble was a happy doggo.
had my year 12 formal! Still shocked that we all had to pay $175 and don’t even get access to the professional photos, unless we pay about that same price, again. SMH.
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I’m the kind of person to be distracted and having too much fun to remember to take pictures — I always regret it after.
I lost my digital camera at the formal after party and I have NEVER BEEN MORE DISTRAUGHT.
First of all, $250 gone - ridiculous.
Second, the BEST pictures from the night were on it.
I can’t trust myself when I am drinking to keep things safe istg. Should have tied it to my wrist…
Went camping again. Incredibly refreshing, highly recommend. Three nights on the beach with a group of 8 friends. Absolutely loved it.
I need to finish writing my draft for literature before I am back at school on Monday. Have to write a short story (with literally no stimulus) that is 1500-2000 words. Yippeeeee
Ordered a secondhand version of The Poisonwood Bible to start reading for literature external exams. Expect it to be so annotated it’s hard to read the actual words on the page.
Here I am again, writing for myself. It makes me feel good and I’m glad I found substack for that reason. Even if my only reader is my mum, I am happy.